


11:59pm

by phanspn



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Letter, M/M, Oneshot, POV Dan, Phan - Freeform, Sad, Unrequited Love, love letter, no happy ending, you will cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 05:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10735008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanspn/pseuds/phanspn
Summary: Loving you has been the most exquisite form of self destruction.





	11:59pm

Phil,

It is 11:59pm, and I love you.

In a minute, when it is a new day and bits and pieces of me have been obliterated and I can still see the vague imprint of your face on a pillow that should be you- I think I might love you more than I did a whole minute before.

I remember when I kissed you that night on the London Eye. Fireworks burst through the dark night, fiery blooms amongst the stars. I was less interested in the display than in watching your expressions, how they lit up your face just as you smiled, like a perfect, real-life photograph. Everything about you, us, was just all so new, so amazing- and new friends came about just as often as lottery wins for me back then, still do really.

I couldn't resist. I leaned in a little closer, our foreheads touching. Dear god, I couldn't fight against the thoughts that were going through me. I was completely unprepared. You would think that after all the hours I'd spent with you - watching you talk, laugh and frown - that I would know all there was to know about your lips. But I hadn't imagined how warm they would feel pressed up against my own.

You pulled away.

"Dan- I, I can't be in a relationship right now, I'm sorry." _Right now_.

You were leading me on, obviously, because it's been eight fucking years and you brought a guy home last night. I don't know who he was, but I caught a glimpse of him through the crack of my door, blonde hair and watery blue eyes. And it should've been me, you know? I think one of the things that hurts so bad is that you never told me no- not really. You never said, 'Dan, I think we should just be friends.' And you know what, it would've stung like a bitch, but at least I'd know Phil. It would've taken a long time, because I'm really in love with you, but I would've known. Maybe I would've met a nice girl or guy, gotten married or had kids or something, but no- because you won't let me. I've been waiting for you, Phil. For _eight years_.

But now- I'm done. I can't keep fighting this fight- because I can't make you love me if you don't. And the funny thing is, I'll never find out which was worse: The fact that you didn't care; or the fact that I did.

But thanks anyway, Phil. Because loving you has been the most exquisite form of self-destruction.

Goodbye forever,

Dan

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.


End file.
